I'm a freak

I am a freak. Balls.
I was walking along nonchalantly when suddenly, out-of-the-fucking-blue: "You're pigeon-footed."
???
Pigeon-toes, according to Mr. Webster, means a persons toes point in while walking/standing.
Yeah, I've been walking like that since I was two. What's the problem?
You're a freak.
There's not exactly a problem with walking like a pigeon only:
1. I go through shoes like McNoir with peoples' patience.
2. My ankles are weaker than my stomach acid.
3. I can hear my hip bones crack (which mean I'll probably have an artificial hip by age 29)
4. I'm (as everyone knows) clumsier than Fergie herself.
5. I have deformed feet.
6. I have fucked-up knees that most likely need surgery.
How depressing---no wonder I grew up like this. I always had a feeling that I was different. Blame the toes.
Now I'm going to sulk, return some calls, and eat my Zebra popcorn.