my face looks like a swollen melon...

My feelings have been a tad...bizarre lately. and my conscience Evelyn agrees. I always feel like i'm somewhere else and I get these weird surges of anger/ sadness /fghtuer at the most bizarre moments, which causes people to hate me even more. I am such a bipolar bitch. no wonder i only have like five friends in the world. these past days have just been whizzing by, and i just can't remember anything anymore, which is probably why my grades have been dropping to the speed of the fucking stock market. is it too early to apply to chick-fil-a? i don't even know what the hell is up;it's like i'm trapped in these crazy shit "dreams" of mine. oi vay. time to bring out the narcotics again. well, it seems like everyone has their own fucking problems to deal with, and i used to wonder why no one bothered telling me anything. (except for best friend #1 and bikini bear buddy). but now it doesn't really bother me anymore (thank you organic chocolate). i guess im too busy floating in my little bubble of mine to really care anymore, or i just grew up and realized that you can't change someone's feelings. and if you can, you're probably related to the portea family. I really do care for all of my friends, but seriously if you guys don't trust me enough to wait a little while, then whatever. fucking. whatever. that's right. thee carmel yang doesn't give two shits anymore. well, at least a shit about it anymore. (white chick moment) but i'm too slammed with everything lately, and there'll always be a slug of Simply Apple, a carton of ice cream, and reruns waiting for me. i know i should like one of those fucking bitches who don't deserve anyone (which i seriously don't) but that's how i feel at the particular moment. (i'll make sure to finish this before my apologetic mood kicks in). on the bright side, i'm feeling much more independent at the moment. but i also feel like a hermit cat-lady who lives in a crappy house that smells like old tuna and screams at Jerry Springer while scarfing ice cream by the Costco-tubful. (sad thing---i'm allergic to most cats. and, thank's too my aunt's friend's cat it turns out fluffy cats cause my face to swell. i'm sure Louis Prades would love to marry a bipolar bitch with a face that looks like a freaking cantalope.) this is too depressing...time to move on.

Daily Dedications:
1. i'm sure he likes you. he's just a bit shy. there's no way he'd leave you for those squinty-eyed ching-chongs who'd make a horse look hot. btw, thanks for the shirt. if i'm in desperate need of money when i grow up, and my cats need a foot transplant or whatever, i'm sure that would be my source of income.
2. so. how are things? yeah. pretty much sums up my conversation. not that you'd actually tell me anything. you'd just give me a sad look, sigh, and say things are okay. i know the drill by now.
3. glad to see that you're chasing your dreams.
4. are you guys really there for me? i know it's hard dealing with me crying but...still. even Medusa has a heart. it's petty i know, but i still want to feel loved. fuck. that was so cheesy. but, anyway, i still wish the best of you guys.
5. so things have been pretty suckish, eh? (canada moment). i know i sound like i don't care, but truthfully i just don't know how to react. i don't want to tell what to do because it's your life. i dont want to change the cosmos with my cheap, fortune-cooking advice and have you end up sad. amen, sister. (sister sledge moment). btw, sorry if you feel like i'm ripping off your music. it's just those videos really make me happy.
6. ah. i love you my adorable friend. be sure to get some sexy shots of me. :]

Everyone says that the LV dream of mine is never going to happen, but to me, it feels so tangible, like it could really happen with a little luck and ann's publication camera. i know this is stupid, but i feel like that pathetic dream of mine is the only thing holding me up, because i know my other dreams won't ever come true unless karma decides to give me a shot of luck. well...
BTW, anyone have a high-waist skirt? i need it for my L.L. costume.
P.S HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARTHUR! SORRY FOR EATING THE TIRAMISU!

Current music:
"The Show" Lenka. I love that Australian singer. that songs reminds me of me currently. i wish i had a hot nerd and my food would cut itself up.
"One of those nights" The Cab. I loooooove Best Friend #1 for showing me that band. sorry everyone knows about them. you were one of the firsts. but i am such a mess right now, it's not even funny. well...it kinda is. especially how i love yogurt and yet it causes me to gag. i'm sure Best Friend #1 knows about that. x] P.S. I'll call you later, kay? i promise. i just can't, cause i have to force myself to choke down dinner with that bloody bitch at my aunt's place and her bloody cat. (british moment) and i really have to piss. ily.<3


Later...9:20 p.m.

It's so weird...i just read this blog of this "famous" person(don't ask me how i found the webpage) and i'm a bit shocked. the person, who i will call Frances, wrote about the whole stock market crashing, wildfires, Marcia trading sex for drugs and i'm rather suprised someone who doesn't really need to worry about this actually cares. i don't know. maybe i shouldn't judge people so quickly.