Lalallalla

At home, watching 2008 VMA videos, listening to music, with a piece of loose leaf paper waiting to be covered in medians and altitudes. I feel like someone from those old black-and-white movies (ignore the 20th century television set), with my glasses on, sipping cider from a faux wine glass. The only things missing are a pack of cigarettes and a clunky record player playing crackly angsty music (does panic at the disco and Christina Aguilera count?) Ahaha. Anyway, today was a completely shit day--nothing went right whatsoever. The morning before school was terrible, I was snubbed, completely ignored, and was overall deflated. English was horrible and dragged on forever as usual. French was verrrrry long. Though not too bad. Thank god Mrs. Jacqout didn't hear my profanities. Lunch was...unbearable. Stupid picture. And fifth period? Let's skip the subject entirely. I had to run the entire length of the soccer field, volleyball court, and gym, looking for someone who turned out to be about 5 steps away from me. And I forgot my cell phone and left it at school but thankfully some nice kid called me and told me he'd turn it into the office. I wish I asked him for his name. On the bright side, when I started this blog I was planning to turn this into one of those sad thingies people label as "emo". But now I feel positively giddy. I may be going insane.

Things that'll soon cause a migraine:
1. Okay. I really wanted a part in the video. A small one. But if you force me into a one second cameo which I portray a middle aged woman (um, people tell me i look like a sevie. how can i be old enough to spawn Tricia?) then forget it. I hate being stuck behind camera. Which I won't even be able to do, because they won't trust my handling. I never thought I would ever hate not doing anything.
2. Me self-pitying myself. I hate me at the moment. Someone please slap me.
3. Lack of sympathy from people. Please refer back to #2
4. School. End of story.
5. Changes. Too many changes. I hate changes. Changes take time to get used to. Bleck.
6. The way I really like panic at the disco at the moment. They always seemed a bit...flamboyant for my taste but I really like their music. Like I really liked them when they first came out but after [insert names here] started listening to them I stopped. And now I restarted. It's so upbeat even though those lyrics are meant for Edgar Allen Poe or something. Oh lord. I'm falling into the Hollister-obsessed, gum-popping sixth graders category. But I have to say, a lot of their songs are circa 40's/50's swingy, folky/angsty music. On the bright side, a lot of the best songs (minus That Green Gentleman) aren't that well known. Yay! I think I'm seriously going to buy the album. Oh no. I have it bad.
7. My lack of a close circle of close people who are close to me.
8. Me being as interesting as a piece of Wonderbread. The only thing I have going for me is my name.
9. People never bothering to listen to me. And when they finally do, they don't know what the flipping fuck I'm blabbering about.
10. My stupid, stupid dreams. They're stupid.

Daily Dedications:
1. I don't think you really like me anymore. Or you find me weird. Or just plain annoying. Or both.
2. You have too many friends. You're too popular. That's not good for a small town girl like me.
3. You seemed bored with my lackluster. I don't blame you. At least you listen.
4. You're pissing me off. I don't think you know it. You never know it. Wow. You really are there for me. You wouldn't even be there for me if I shattered my ankle and needed someone to lean on.
5. Are you honestly nice? Cause you seem like a fucking bitch to me. Hahaha.
6. You're one of the few people I can actually tolerate nowadays.